When your pregnant you can read all the books in the world but nothing really prepares you for what is about to happen.
These are the things that I wish I knew then:
1. Birth plans are pointless. My birth plan was for me to have a water birth in a birthing centre with no pain relief. What happened could not have been further away from this. In the end I had an emergency C-Section with an epidural!
2. Tiredness. Yes you hear that you will be tired, but you NEVER realise just how tired you will be. It amazes me now that I still managed to function reasonable well on just a few hours of broken sleep. Just having 4 solid hours solid sleep feels better than a night with Tom Hardy.
3. How amazing your body is. After my C-section, I thought my body would never heal and that I would never feel better. But after 2 weeks I was up and walking as normal. It is amazing that your body can be put through that amount of pain and feel like it is at breaking point and repair its self to be as good as new.
4. Everything is a phase. At 3am when you have been awake for 36 hours and you are still wearing the same nightie you have had on for the last 5 days and you have puke in your hair, it is hard (really fricking hard) to think of a time when your baby wont cry, but it is a phase that will pass. And when it does it does I promise.
5. The terrible twos are not a myth. Yes we are in the full throws of the terrible twos. It is amazing how quickly a little person can go from happy to full-blown bat shit crazy over the slightest thing. Usually it relates to being told that she can not do something dangerous like trying to climb in the washing machine!
6. Everything you said you would never do, you will do at some point. I always said I wouldn’t let my child watch lots of TV or eat crap food. Pah who was I kidding. The TV is on morning, noon and night. We know all the theme tunes to Peppa bloody Pig & Paw pissing Patrol, amd know all the characters are. And sometimes me and Mr D have been know to keep watching when Chloe has gone to sleep. And as for food, I had visions when pregnant of cooking home cooked meals and preparing everything from scratch, but when you have just got in from work and you have a tired little person screaming for nuggets and chips, I admit I give in. But as long as she is feed I am happy.
7. You will never pee alone again. People without a child will never know what a luxury it is to use the bathroom without an audience. The amount of times I have had a toy shoved in my face mid wee. Recently, while out Miss Chloe thought it would fun to shout “mummy has spiders! while in a public toilet.ACE!
8. Me time means something else now. Me time now means cleaning the bathroom, and running the hoover around. Before it would mean having a long bubble bath with a book.
9. You will miss them more than you thought. Yes, when they are running round like headless chickens during the day pulling out every toy they have every owned you mentally count down the hours/minutes/seconds until bedtime. And then when they are in bed you will miss them and you will go in and look at their little cherub faces all pudgy whilst sleeping. And then they will start to move and you think “oh shit don’t wake up please”!
10. You will (secretly) love your partner a little bit more. There is nothing sexier than seeing how much your partner loves your child. And seeing them playing together and bonding. Mum’s are lucky we are bonded from the beginning as we have had that little heart beating inside us for 9 months.
And the last thing I wish I had known is just how much I could love another human being, and how much of a difference someone so little could make to our lives.