Diary of a 3 year old


Who know that being a 3-year-old was such hard work, mummy thought things were tough when I was 2 but boy she doesn’t have a clue!

Mummy and daddy really just don’t understand that being 3 is bloody tough, and when I go bat shit crazy it is to help them to see where they are going wrong.

Here is a look at the kind of stuff I have to deal with;I wake up usually in my own pee and mummy and daddy wonder why I’m a little grumpy. I usually put them straight by pretending to be stretching and poke them in the eye or boobies.

  • Breakfast time is when I really like to show them the error of their ways, well any meal time really. Mummy asks if I want cereal or toast, every morning I say crisps but she never listens and then has the audacity to put toast, in triangles of all bloody shapes down in front of me. I show her who is boss by trying to feed it to my feet and shouting for crisps.
  • Mummy likes to try to get artsy and she gets all this crap out and looks at me like I am gonna create some masterpiece, and that’s exactly what I do on the table and on my body. After 5 minutes I am bored and mummy puts Cbeebies on and I get crisps. I knew I would get my way! I can hear her in the kitchen I think she is saying how much of a good job i have done painting the table for her.
  • Lunch time soon rolls around and I don’t feel like what I had yesterday to eat, I mean who likes the same thing 2 days in a row?! I like to get her hopes up and demand some fruit and then realise I don’t like it and ask for more crisps.
  • After lunch mummy says we need to go to the shops, this is a great time for me to exercise my legs and my lungs. I like to try to keep mummy fit so every now and again I like to make a break for it so she has to run after me. I wonder when she will realise that I am doing it for her own good.
  • When we get to the shops I feel it is only right that I am given a snack, I mean all that running around trying to keep mummy fit is tiring. Mummy tries to fob me off with a banana but we know that on occasions like this only a Kinder Egg will do the trick. Silly mummy still doesn’t realise that I have no shame and if I need to go ghetto on her in public and turn the crazy to full power then I will.
  • On the way back with a Kinder Egg in each hand mummy tries to ruin my chocolate high by telling me that I need to have a bath when we get in, it’s as if mummy never learns.
  • I may or may not have just made myself sick due to hitting the bat shit crazy button, but you know what it worked mummy gave up and I’m now running  around and not having a bath. I think I see mummies eyes leaking slightly.
  • Dinner time, pretty much the same as breakfast and lunch but with nuggets and chips. Mummy like to think she is cleaver and says if I eat it I get pudding, silly lady I’ll just ask daddy and he will give it to me anyway.
  • Bedtime, sleep is for the weak that is my motto. Why sleep when I can spend this time singing to mummy and daddy and asking for that bath that I didn’t want earlier, or water I always feel really thirsty at bedtime. I think mummy has realised and I may have to mix shit up just to keep her on her toes.

Don’t worry mummy I’m sure tomorrow will be completely different, and I might want toast in triangles and may like bananas again!

Mummy Em x



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